Still here.....

Shell here,

Well, its been a crazy week or two can't really keep track. Its seems as though, everything is a blur. Ive been meaning to post for a while but know that I've waited so long i don't know where to start. Guess i'll start with something happy.
Mason turned 3. I can't believe it his Birthday. It was Sept. 7th!!! He woke up that morning with the biggest smile, I have ever seen. All day long he'd say "its my Birthday its my birthday" for the last little bit he has been saying... mom, I almost 3 and when I am 3, I will go in the potty. So that morning I said, "Mason, your 3 should we go in the potty?" Please please please. He shook his head and said I'm not 3 I'm 1 like Thomas the train. Oh boy.... maybe by Christmas. Anyway he had fun and he had two thomas parties and loved every min. He is such a sweet little guy. So grateful he's here.

I'm sure your all wondering how we are really doing. I guess I'll tell you. We are okay... Some days I get up shower, even put on some makeup. Some days I get up and tell my poor clients that are waiting for a new hairdo, that its pajama day. And by the end of the haircut, I am feeling much better and wondering why I didn't take a little bit of time to get ready before they came but oh well I am usually better for the next one. Luckily as long as they look good when were done I feel good and so do they!!!
Another happy thing that happened Chantel started preschool. I didn't want to see her go but she insisted!!!! the first day we went I was ready to comfort her and tell her she could do it and I'd be right back to get her all that good stuff u-no. well, we get there she said, "k bye mom."And was gone without even looking back!!! Me and mason cried all the way home.... Chantel is 4 going on 12 she came home. I said, "How was it? "What did you do?" she said, "Mom I can't remember everything!!" So cute, I think she liked it!!!
Landon is doing really really good. He is the sweetest little guy. Always smiling and loves when his brother and sis talk to him. He just had his 4 month checkup. He got his shots and was so big cried for a sec and was fine!!! He has really changed since all of this. He is always so calm and peaceful. I think his daddy has something to do with that. I was able to go to the temple last night it was just what I needed. Such a wonderful peace there. Half way through the session I panicked. I didn't tell the babysitter what time to feed the baby. I said a little prayer please help my babies to be okay. I get home, later then we thought cause we had to go to the next session cause there were so many people. Kids asleep and baby Landon as calm as can be!!! Thanks Heavenly Father and daddy!!!
I have a new love for the Temple, good uplifting music, good books. I am not a reader, and the scriptures. I have always had a testimony. But... Wow, I get it!!! All these things are here for the taking and I choose to take it. What comfort I have found. One of my friends gave me a book. I highly recommend "When Times Are Tough" by John Bytheway. I love him. One of my favorite things it says is this. John Taylor taught, "God lives, and his eyes are over us, and his angels are round about us,and they are more interested in us then we are in ourselves, ten thousand times, but we do not know it"
We have unseen friends on the other side of the veil who are intensely interested in our success, President Ezra Taft Benson testified:
"If we only knew it, heavenly hosts are pulling for us-friends in heaven that we cannot now remember who yearn for our victory. (I like this part) This is OUR DAY TO SHOW WHAT WE CAN DO- WHAT LIFE AND SACRIFICE WE CAN DAILY,HOURLY, INSTANTLY MAKE FOR GOD. IF WE GIVE OUR ALL, WE WILL GET HIS ALL FROM THE GREATEST OF ALL. I have read this over and over again. It makes me feel like I can do anything With an angel like my Jordan yearning for my victory. It almost makes me excited for what I can do. Some days, of coarse, this is not the case but if I only look a little bit a head I can do it. One small min at a time. I know with all the love and support I have gotten. It has helped in so many ways..
THANK YOU TO ALL OF MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS FOR EVERYTHING. I KNOW I COULDN'T DO THIS FOR EVEN A MIN. WITHOUT YOU GUYS. I FEEL SO MUCH LOVE BEING SPLIT OUT OVER US. Jordan made me want to be a better person. He always believed in me. We always were setting goals and thinking of things we needed to do better. I am holding on to so many wonderful memories. Lots of good things like this that get me through the day. Some things I miss the most, his hands, his laugh, sitting on the couch dreaming about the future, about what big thing he wanted to do next. His laugh..... HE'S THE BEST!!! THE BEST PART IS, I KNOW HE'S CLOSE. I KNOW HE'S HELPING ME... well this could go on for days so I better stop before you all fall asleep. Lots of love Shell and kiddos