Wednesday, August 12, 2009

I just feel paralyzed today

Arlene here:
Does anyone find themselves like I am?
I live in Spokane Washington.
The Mingos live in Idaho and Utah.

I feel a million miles away.
I feel like I am walking through cold molasses.
I can't imagine the grief Regina must be feeling..losing her two sons and a husband.
How are all those Mingo girls?
Losing a Dad and both their brothers?
And of course, our Shelley, losing the love-of-her-life and the Daddy to her little ones.

I feel paralyzed with grief...walking from room to room - not able to think, wondering how in the world could people be going to work and go shopping at Walmart?
I want to yell out my window.
"THERE IS A WORLD OF HURT - going on here."
"Do you know what has happened?"
"How can you be normal?"
"How can you laugh?"
How can life go on?

Of course we know it will.
We know we will find meaning and peace.
We know there are and will be experiences that will make 'going on' possible.

Just for now.
Just for a little while, can I just lay on the floor
curled up in the fetal position
with a blanket over my head
and cry my face off?

I don't know the Mingos...except Jordan.
But I feel their pain, is that possible?
I feel their pain...right here in the middle of my chest.
It makes taking a deep breath hard.
I has taken a hold of my heart and mind and thoughts and rendered me useless to any sort of daily function.
I am so so so sorry.
I am so so so sad.
As..........I am sure you are, too.

And hey, if you had a spat with someone you love... go fix that, 'k?


  1. Yes, I too would like to lie on the floor with my head under a blanket. My daughter Mandy has been one of Shelleys best friends since the second grade. I have spent the last several days looking through the pictures of them. Little girls-young women-dances-weddings-young mothers. Many of them including Shells handsome, sweet Jordan. My mind cries out WHY, what if, so many, so young, little babies ect. ect. ect....
    Then the spirit whispers to my heart.. Be still and know that I am God. And I cry and cry..and the Spirit still....
    I am trying harder to listen.
    I thought of a quote today that was given to my mother when my dad passed away unexpectedly at the age of 59. He was home alone at the time and questions of why and what if I had been there ect. ect. threatened to take her sanity.
    The quote said, We can shorten our lives through our bad decisions but we CANNOT lengthen our lives if it is our time to move on to the next life. It gave her comfort that our Heavenly Father is in charge and can see the whole picture.
    Shelley our hearts are breaking for your loss.

  2. Arlene, you couldn't have put it more appropriately. That is exactly how I am feeling. It is so so hard to watch my dear sister go through this. I just want to take away all of your pain, your fears and your sadness. I am so sorry Shel
    Love Jana

  3. You HAVE been doing something wonderful with this blog Arlene. So many people are feeling the pain right now, but the thoughts that have been shared on this blog have been a real blessing. My husband is trying to figure out what my "deal" is as I have had a hard time with my daily routines, and I'm not even a relative, but I've known Jed, Jordan, and Ron my whole life and I just can't believe that this has happened. Of those three I can say I never heard a negative word come out of any of their mouths about somebody else. They truly had a way of making other people feel good. I love all the Mingos and their in-laws like so many do and I just keep thinking about them. I am just hoping that all the prayers being offered in their behalf add up. I hope they can feel our prayers and our love. Shelley has always been like a ray of sunshine to those who know her. Shelley, you have no idea the kind of example you are. In my mind, Shelley is a lot like Regina. It's not fair. I am so incredibly sorry. --Kaly

  4. Mom
    I just have to say that is exactly how we are feeling too. Over and over I have had different emotions imagining if it was me and just get so overwhelmed and just can't breath. I hurt sooo much for all the feelings and sorrows that all of the Mingos are feeling. What a heavy burden of sorrow to carry. I too wish that I could come and take some of that away. I am soo sorry to all of you. May you find some comfort and peace. Sending our love and hugs!